[……]
午后的碳水与价值危机
我怀疑格子间的工作者是否都有一种“午后价值危机”。通常是午后，离午餐过去两个小时的时刻。你在格子间的日光灯里，想着室外的日光。只需一想，就能感受到天穹里的光球之下，双眼无法直视、大脑昏沉的感觉。
这感觉通常会持续两个小时，在4点之后，情况渐渐好转。时间继续流逝，也许饥饿感会慢慢爬上来，生命的匮乏无力感，被暗示着某种活力的生理渴望代替了。
然而午后的困顿是如此频繁，循环往复，要为格子间里的无意义感负责重大的责任。
几个月来，试着把身体当做试验场。给它输入体能训练、力量训练、蛋白质、碳水、水。《老人与海》里，桑迪亚哥在与大鱼搏斗的间歇里，对着他的手喊到：“手，我为你吃了这么多！”[……]
理解：书写与言说
母语与非母语
建立域名以来，几乎只用英文书写。若论最大的原因，是既有中文语境对于生命情感经验的容纳过于限制，在英文中却感到能够伸展开来。当然根本还是在于心灵的舒展程度。非母语表达因某种疏离感，意外地提供了陌生而安静的记录空间。
为谁而写？
写给谁看？对于个人书写而言，这是个关键的问题。多年前，刚接触互联网，尚不懂不同平台如平行宇宙，频道不同，无法相容。某同窗曾问，写了别人看不到，有什么意思？
是的。看到。Attention。实用主义如何扎根生活的每一个角度自然不用多疑，“老成”的人甚至觉得连讨论都是“幼稚”。
生命若论“意思”，便是彻底的没意思。生下来，吃喝拉撒生[……]
生活与命运一则
晚上再跟小红约饭，距上次已一月有余，相比之前一周一次，算是断了顿了。这阵子为了搞Rey的译稿，与其他事挤到一起，感到体力脑力均有巨大消耗。有必要出来一次了。
饭后绕农大转了几圈。学校里查得紧，外人难以进入。
走过枝影横斜的巷口和人行道，小红不自觉再一次讲到他三次考研的经历。我也不自觉再次倾听。那些去医学院求教老师、翻看组织切片的日子，那些枯坐桌前为化学反应式绞尽脑汁徒劳无功的日子，那些在临考前夜因垃圾宾馆无法安睡、整夜徘徊街头的时刻，小红熬过来了。“我也不知道那时候哪来的那股劲。”忽然感觉所有细节连成了片，感到语塞，只有不断“嗯”“嗯”，听小红讲下去。在最后的时刻，导师放弃了排名第[……]
Still and Ever Out There: A Synopsis
[……]
“All Dazai Osamu’s problems Can be Handled by Workout”
My friend Xie’s night talk with me prompted the writing of this post.
Zhi An, an old-school writer in China once quoted Yukio Mishima’s observing of Dazi Osamu that all Daai Osamu’s problems can be handled by workout. I remembered this sentence when I discussed with my friend Xie about the impact[……]
Roverblood: Our Mind is a Battlefield # 1
Whether you are willing to admit, it is true: Our mind is a battlefield. Of course I am speaking from my own experience and observation.
Consider the worse-case scenario (obviously not for all, but for many): You are so struck by inner fear and memory of past disastrous experience and you have to[……]
One Out of Five
But I will keep in touch with John, politely and slightly. He provides a template of people who are fearful, indecisive, feeble and prone to circumstances. Zhang Xiaoyu said that you are the average version of five people you deal with most frequently. Then I get it:
Li reflects my old-school and[……]
You have nothing to learn from Innocent Niubility
Innocent Niubility versus Awakend Exploring
Xiaohong sent me a link, titled “Elementary students’ English stuns people”, and added “scared to death” literally in Chinese. Well, I kinda cannot be “shocked” by such things in the slightest sense.
Are these elementary or junior hig[……]
From Value to Relationship?
For several weeks in a row I’ve been thinking about value versus relationship.
Must one be worthy regarding value (like a great job, salary, appearance, background) to have decent relationships (romantic or other interpersonal ties)?
If you look at reality, sadly, it seems true. But, but the[……]
Time in Parallel
To respond to crucial questions in lasting moves.
At an individual level, how could the sense of meaning be formed?
As of July 5th 2021, I’d say it’s to do what you identify with. To do what you want.
Then many questions will arise. For one, why people don’t do what they want to do?
[……]